wow

it has been almost a full year since my last post. i don't even think any of us even read this anymore. it's almost 3am and i have an 8:20 biology class tomorrow. oh my. i'm stalling. i don't really know what to write about.
hm. how about the fact that i'm a horrible human being. as in, i've done something that's just mean and terrible and so unlike me. i hate it. i've never been like this before. i've never done anything like this before.

regret is a killer. i regret something i didn't, or rather, a decision i made/something i said over fake break, a few weeks ago. i wrote vaguely, without mention of the actual event or people involved, about it in my blog on myspace, but here i suppose i will divulge the full secret. i hope no one finds this and spoils a good time for others involved...you see, a very dear, rather good-looking friend of mine (who i will not name here as that would just be too hard...) invited me to go to a...a ball of sorts. i was a bit startled and suprised when he asked me, and instead of saying what i wanted to, i thought about how weird it would be for me to go back to a high school function as that 'college student.' you know the one. the one that always seems to keep showing up at sporting events, school functions, can be seen in all the local places on the weekends, etc. etc. well, i told myself that if i went to the ball i'd be labled as that girl. even though this was one event, and i do like this boy and we have some fun times together and i don't think it would have felt weird at all (with his friends, going out to eat, partying, even dancing, because it was so chill) so instead of going with a really great, fun, cool guy and doing all these great things, i'll be here at elon that weekend, wishing i'd said what i really wanted to:
"yes."